It ends, right?

High school, I mean.

I'm so tired.

I'm tired of constantly being stressed out, sleep-deprived, depressed and pissed off.

I'm tired of watching our educational system go further and further down the toilet. I'm tired of hearing teachers complain about the direction our school is taking and then refuse to stand up to the administration and say, "No, stop it, YOU'RE DUMBASSES. Stop trying to control things you don't understand!" Grow a damn backbone. And administrators, grow a damn brain.

I'm tired of standardized tests, teachers wasting their time with students who don't want to learn, being ignored, being labeled "Talented and Gifted" and ignored.

I'm tired of having ten million things to do and not an ounce of motivation to get any of it done.

I'm tired of hearing policy this, policy that, not having a voice, and watching people who have more control over my life than I do sit in their offices and refuse to think- in a school.

I'm tired of crying myself to sleep every time I have a stupid breakdown. I'm in a cycle. Something sets me off, I get really depressed, then I get pissed off, then I try to take action, then I get silenced, then I'm so tired and so defeated that I just forget about it entirely for a while, and then I'm okay, and then something sets me off and the cycle starts again.

I am so, so tired.

Next year, I'm going to try to graduate early.

I'm giving up on the idea of taking Journalism. I'm not going to run for Japanese Club president again. I'm not going to the senior prom. I don't give a flying rat's ass about walking at graduation- I'm gonna play Pomp and Circumstance at home on the computer, and throw darts at a picture of the principal or something. I don't plan on staying any longer than I have to. The first semester, that's it, and then I'm getting the fuck out of there.

I just don't care anymore. (Just like the school administration- what a coincidence!) I have one elective credit and half a PE credit to finish next year. In the grand scheme of things, that's... nothing.

In the grand scheme of things, high school really doesn't matter at all, or so I'm told.

Why does it have to be such an ordeal?

Why does it seem like nobody (except some of the teachers) really cares about the kids?

Oh, that's right- because nobody does. Money is more important, right? And war. War is really important too.

Nevermind that someday, when they're old farts, we'll be running the world. We are the future grocery baggers and lawyers, gas station workers and doctors, taxi drivers, government officials, insurance agents, farmers and waiters and waitresses and police officers and firefighters and nuclear physicists and the list could go on forever.

Why are we disposable?